31 Mrz The elephant
I remember this feeling of not belonging, although I was surrounded by people I love. I remember that i compared my body with an elephant, big and heavy, surrounded by graceful gazelles. I’d like to be honest, I felt a bit out of place. Despite the fact that I had never felt so strong before and never been so fast before, I lost in comparison with everyone else sitting next to me. I sat among my teammates and felt uncomfortable, which made me very sad. I really wanted to get rid of this feeling, but i couldn’t.. I tried to remind myself of the good training sessions, i tried to give myself courage and i searched for the strong woman i usually like to represent. But nothing. Nothing else then this elephant picture, an image that stayed in my mind constantly, displacing everything else.
I remember this feeling of not belonging although I was surrounded by people i love
I‘ve brought up the subject of comparison many times already and i know that comparing myself to somebody else is not helpful at all. I am who i am, which is good. But trailrunning is becoming more professional. It gets faster, harder, more competitive and less familiar. Being successful gets more difficult, pressure is increasing, self-made as well as high expectations from the outside. Social-Media are a big part of this development – it’s not very easy to participate in the lives of others, only seeing their successes, their self-discipline and talent. Knowing that others probably feel the same way when they look at my profile.
I know, I am living a privileged life and I am grateful for everything I have achieved and most of all, everyone I have met along my way. All i wanted to say, just to end the day in a positive way is that i really much love my life as an profesional athlete, even if it sometimes demands everything of me.