14 Dez It’s a Wrap

Looking back is never accompanied by just one single emotion, but this year i’ve felt as torn as maybe never before.

I naively assumed that the new year would follow on from last year’s success. No doubt about it. I had dreams, wishes and, above all, high expectations of myself. After my 2022 season, I wanted an even better 2023 – more training, more volume, less weight, more international breakthroughs. However, high expectations always go hand in hand with a great fear of failure. A difficult combination that kept pushing me into a dark cycle of self-doubt and being driven.

In May, I moved to Chamonix. The, so it seemed, perfect place for my new start. Munich no longer felt like enough. I was looking for mistakes and of course I found them. Traffic lights, crowds, no trails, no more potential for improvement and somehow the sky always was gray. Unfortunately, in my quest for a better version of myself, I completely forgot the fact that I wasn’t missing anything.

I allowed the runner in me to break free, taking over 100% of my personality. I neglected all my other needs, all the things that define me besides running. Writing, my desire for security and the feeling of coming home, munich, the anonymity of the city, and the chance to escape competitive sports whenever i need it.

Competitive sports is such a great bubble, but also damn toxic. This fact makes it even more important to keep the balance and to preserve a world far away from being competitive. Ignoring this, paradoxically, cost me the sporting success I so desperately wanted. I tried to be someone i am not and i tried to move somewhere i do not belong.

Looking back on the year today, I really can’t say that everything turned out exactly as I had imagined it in January. I’m back in Munich again, I’ve been in the second row while others celebrated their triumphs and I’ve had to move more times than I thought. Fuck, this year was such a pain in the ass and it was so beautiful in the same time. Because it taught me that i am so much more then a runner. A daughter, a friend, a partner, a cat lady, a big city girl, a writer, a podcast host, a workaholic… but mostly i am happy to tell you that i am Kimi, who is ready for wrapping up this year, because man, it was a tough one.